One of the ways to reduce stress is to stroke your pet. It has been many years since I had a pet, my preference being cats. When Ben came to stay, he had not been able to have a pet, so we discussed it. He thought he wanted a dog. Fortunately, an acquaintance was going out of town for a long weekend and said we could keep their dog to let Ben see what it was like. That was a revelation! You have to feed a dog, play with a dog, and even walk the dog early on a Saturday morning. When they look at you with those soulful eyes, almost crossing their legs to keep from having an accident, you just have to get up and take them out. Needless to say, after a few days of the dog, Ben decided maybe cats were less trouble.
 
I pondered on this question for some time, and then one day I just felt it was right to go to the Humane Society and look over their cats. I didn’t want a kitten – I’m not into potty-training children or animals. So, I opted for an older cat, about 2 years old. After discussing it with Ben, I came home with Spiral the cat. That was in September of 2018.
 
It took Spiral some time to get used to our home, but within a few months she had become Queen of the house and had us pretty well trained. However, Ben wanted to experiment a bit to find out if Spiral liked water. He tried putting her in the sink, but her outstretched legs and claws indicated that she didn’t want to try that. So, he decided to put her in the bathtub and turn on the water. She has never trusted him since. Whenever he tries to pick her up, she flies into my room and gets under my bed. He still gets her when she is asleep somewhere, and puts her on her back in his lap. He has tried to entertain her with videos for cats, brushing her and being as nice as can be with her. She just glares at him with her green eyes, and waits for him to turn his attention elsewhere so she can escape.
 
Not wanting Ben to feel totally rejected, when a friend asked if I would take her cat (because her husband was allergic to it), I agreed. This would be Ben’s cat. She is very cuddly and likes to be in someone’s lap, so Ben enjoyed having her in his lap. She loves the laser pointer (the red dot) and chases it wildly all over the house. She slept with Ben, starting out on her tummy but ending up on her back spread across the bed. He barely had room to sleep on the bed. As long as Spiral ignored Naima, Naima was Ben’s cat.
 
But something changed. Apparently Spiral has been whispering secrets about Ben to Naima, and now she won’t sit in either of our laps. She stays under the bed or on my bed a lot. She comes to have her ears and back scratched, but doesn’t want to get close enough that you could actually pick her up. She’s become very skittish. Not even the red dot can draw her out. It doesn’t help that when she does jump up on my chair to sit in my lap when Spiral is there, she gets a swat. Spiral doesn’t like to share her people.
 
I’m hoping that in time Naima will gain some confidence and start trusting us again. Oh, and don’t expect to see either of them if you come to visit. They go into cloaking mode and are invisible until you leave. Even the cat-sitters don’t see them for weeks at a time, but the food is eaten and the litterbox gets full, so we know they are in here somewhere!

The car I purchased for Ben has a fob that would lock and unlock the doors without the key, but the buttons have long since died. The blade of the key flips out when you press a button, and then you can open the door or start the engine with it. However, recently the blade broke off of the fob. It is usable, but challenging. So, for now, Ben is driving my car, and I’m staying home nursing my bronchitis.
 
In order to solve this dilemma and to get my car back, I contacted the Kia dealer and ordered a new key and fob. It has arrived, and it wasn’t cheap. In a few days, Ben has an appointment to get the key cut and programmed.
 
In the meantime, I had noticed a new machine at my local Kroger store that would make any kind of key. I decided to try to get a normal key made for the car, just the key and not the fob. I took the blade of Ben’s key to the store with me, and shoved it in the machine. It measured the key and informed me that it required special work, so it would be mailed to me. That was fine. Then all I had to do was get the blade of the key out of the slot in the machine. That was easier said than done. On the second try, the blade simply disappeared into the machine.
 
I had to call the service number on the machine and explain what had happened. Sure enough, a service person would have to come and retrieve it. They promised to let me know when that had been done, and would leave the key at the Customer Service desk. After 24 hours, I emailed them to inquire. No answer. Finally I phoned the Kroger store and sure enough, it was ready for me to pick up.
 
So, now I have the broken fob and blade. The “simple” key is due to come in the mail in a day or so, and the new fob and blade will be in use about Wednesday. Of course, it is a holiday weekend, so there’s no telling when the key will arrive. I hope it is soon because Tuesday, I have a full day of stuff to do, and I want my car back. The things we do for our children…

Ben arrived in the US a few weeks before he turned 17. Initially, he was just coping with living in the US, so driving wasn’t really on my radar. However, as he began to settle, I looked into sending him to a driving school. The most highly recommended one was Drive4Life. During May, he attended the required 8-hour long sessions on Saturdays. Once he completed the coursework, I took him to the Drivers License Center to take his written test. He had studied and we went off hopefully with all of his paperwork.
 
We never got passed the information desk. Since I was not his court-appointed guardian, I was not legally responsible for his debts, and therefore, couldn’t sign the paperwork for him. Instead, his real parent had to sign, and that signature had to be notarized. Given he was going to be in Kenya with his parents in a few weeks, I sent the paperwork home with him.
 
When he arrived back after six weeks in Kenya, I asked about his paperwork. He had his dad sign it, but it was not notarized. We had no choice but to wait until he turned 18.
 
Finally on September 12, the big day came. Ben achieved his majority, and was able to sign his own papers.  I reminded him the night before that he needed his passport and visa documents. He was tired and he thought he knew where they were, so he didn’t look until I mentioned it in the morning. He opened the drawer where they should have been, but nothing was there. He hunted through that drawer, both suitcases and I don’t know what else. He couldn’t find them. I said I would take him to the bus and then look for them, with his permission. He gave it and off we went for him to catch the bus.
 
I began an extensive search and found candy wrappers, lots of loose change, but nothing of importance in his drawers. I started on the bookcase, and there in a stack of random paper, I found his passport and visa documents. I also found a number of cards his mother had sent with him to give to various people. I kept those out so we could pass them along. I texted Ben so he wouldn’t worry, and waited for the next step.
 
At 10:00, I picked him up after his morning class at university, and off we went off to the Driver’s License Office. On the way, Ben practiced the test again and flipped through the manual. While waiting for his number to be called, he studied and I filled out yet another application form. At least this time, he could sign it himself.
 
In a few minutes, he was called to the information desk where they checked his paperwork. Yes, he could take the test. She wished him good luck and a happy birthday. Ben continued to look through the driving manual and in a few minutes was called back to the information desk. They needed a piece of mail with his name and address on it. Of course we didn’t have that. I had seen such a piece of mail on his bookcase, but hadn’t thought to pick it up and put it in his folder. ARGH!
 
Back in the car, we drive clear across the county to the house to get that piece of mail. Nothing else would do. Then we hurried back across the county to show it to the information desk. By this time, it was 12:00 and Ben had a class at 1:20. They sent him back to take the test while I waited. When he came out, he looked rather hesitant. Back in the old days when I last took one of those written driving tests, they told you immediately if you got the answer right or not as soon as you answered the question. They are no longer doing that. So, we waited for some anxious moments until the lady said he had passed! WHEW!
 
Within a few minutes, she gave him his temporary learner’s permit and we could leave. I took him back to college for his class and then headed to my job.
 
That evening, we met up at the Cheesecake Factory for supper. We had a pleasant meal and at the end of it, Ben drove me home in the dark. He has to have 10 hours of driving at night, so every little bit counts. We arrived safely and I look forward to being chauffeured around for the next few months.

As Ben starts college, I decided he needed to learn to cook a meal. He has to learn to survive in this world without the help of his five sisters. Also, I may go on vacation and leave him to his own resources. So, a few nights ago, he had his first opportunity to prepare a meal.
 
The thing Ben missed the most last year in the food line was chapatis. Chapatis are like a flour tortilla. His sister gave him one lesson on how to make them, so that was what he wanted to start with. However, he had only done it once, and was a bit uncertain if it would be edible. Also, one cannot just eat a chapatti, so we agreed that he could fry some ground beef and add taco mix to it. He started with the meat and had that done before he started the chapatis. In the midst of that, he needed to let the dough sit for half an hour. During that he started working on washing the salad and then had to heat up the can of refried beans. He had to keep stirring the beans and cook the chapatis, then as he got close to the end of the chapati dough, had to reheat the meat.
 
The chapatis were delicious and seemed pretty normal to me. Ben was pretty exhausted at the end of the process, and commented on how hard it was to keep up with everything. Multi-tasking is obviously not his strength. He mentioned that when I cooked, I just whipped things together in about 15 minutes, and it was ready. Of course, my cooking isn’t really that quick. However, we did notice that it takes a lot less time to eat the food than it does to prepare it or clean up from it.
 
Let’s hope he gets better at this as the weeks go by. 

It is early April, and time for all those showers. Well, last night, we had LOTS of showers and also some chilly weather, just in time for a soccer tournament. Bearden was playing a rival school in a game that should have started at 9:00 pm. After four previous games, they were running half an hour late, so their game started just after 9:30, finishing about 11:30. That is WAY PAST my normal bedtime. However, I was there watching to the bitter end. Why? I ask myself that question every now and then.
 
A week or so before the tournament, I was informed that parents of players are expected to cover four time slots during the tournament. There is only one of me, so I had to sign up for a lot. Thursday, I was on the “hospitality” team, supposedly seeing to the needs of the press, scouts and other VIP’s. I was to pick up trash and check the restrooms periodically. When I asked the person in charge, it seemed she had everything pretty much under control, so I just watched the game and picked up trash and checked the ladies’ room.
 
Last night, however, I was on concession stand duty. I like that job because you can be in doors. We did a roaring trade in hot chocolate and coffee! Ben had worked as a ball boy from 4:00 – 7:00, then he came home to get warm and dry and have some supper. Together we headed back at 8:30 for the night shift. He sat with the team while I did the concession stand. Throughout the evening, I kept adding layers of clothing until at the end, I looked rather like an Eskimo!
 
The really interesting part of this story, however, is the game. It had rained steadily and continued to do so through the evening. The grass field was rapidly becoming a swimming pool. However, unless there is lightning, they don’t cancel the game.
 
Of course the players all looked like drowned rats after five minutes of play. When the ball was kicked into the air and came to earth in a puddle, it just sat there instead of bouncing. Players would scramble to get to the ball, and then slip and slide in the water and mud, crashing into each other or sliding down altogether. If they kicked the ball as it sat in the water, it basically didn’t go anywhere, just floated over to the other side of the pool of water. For the players, it must have felt like they were pushing a string.
 
As I’ve reflected on the game and the adverse affects of the weather, I saw a few parallels to life. Sometimes, we are trying our hardest, playing our best, but it just isn’t good enough. We tumble over someone else’s efforts or just slide down due to unexpected conditions. We position ourselves where we think we need to be, only to find out that is the totally wrong place and we are caught off balance. Sometimes we connect with the issue at hand, but it proves to be immoveable despite our best efforts. Occasionally, though, we use our skills in just the right way and experience success.
 
Throughout this exercise, we learn how to cope with unusually circumstances, new parameters and to change our expectations to fit the situation. It is an excellent learning experience, and at the end, we may even enjoy a few dives into the pools of difficulty to enjoy sliding through the trials like a porpoise landing on a beach.
 
What’s the secret of success? Persevere! Don’t give up. Remember, that there may be fewer pools of challenge on the other end of the field. In the second half, you switch ends, and sure enough, Bearden won: 3-2.

​Well, for those who have been eagerly awaiting news of Ben’s college acceptance, it hasn’t gone as we had hoped. He was accepted by Michigan State, which was a real encouragement. However, they didn’t offer much in the way of a scholarship. Duke didn’t accept him, and that was a BIG disappointment. So, he’s been back at the computer writing essays again.
 
We tried a new approach to the problem of finding a college for him; he is applying to need blind colleges. These are colleges, usually private, that have large endowments. When US citizens apply and are accepted, the college makes sure they can attend, so they take care of much of the tuition. Unfortunately, need blindness does not necessarily extend to international students. For them, the wording is “need aware”. So, they may pick up the scholarship or they may not. I guess it depends on how positively they see the potential student.
 
Ben’s ACT scores went up 2 points when he took it the second time, so that was good. The next ACT test will be a “free” one, provided by the high school and takes place in February. The advantage of having three ACT scores is that the school or someone then superscores it, so that the highest marks are the ones that go to the colleges. At least that makes you look better.
 
Now we come to the essay writing part of the application process. Colleges ask all manner of questions for the applicant to write about. The most common are: Who are you? and Why do you want to attend X college? Others are more philosophical, What is something that distressed you and what did you do about it? Or When did you take leadership in a situation? Who is your hero and why?
 
Every now and then, Ben looks up from his computer and says, “Do they know we are all just lying?” In other words, what they would write if they were honest, especially about why you want to go to that university is, “Let me in and I’ll like you and when I graduate with a good job, I’ll send you money. I’ll seek to make you proud of me, just LET ME IN!” or perhaps “I need the money and I’m hoping you will give it to me.”
 
Ben is or has applied to 11 different colleges and universities. I thought deadlines were later for internationals, but either they changed the deadlines or I read that wrongly. Most of the deadlines are January 1, a few on January 15. There are “rolling deadlines”. You can apply throughout the year and if accepted, start in a semester other than in the Fall. The schools he is applying to, for the most part, do not do that. Actually, it is better for students to all start at once, get to know each other, go through orientation together and form a solid community. If you come in late, you can miss all that.
 
Most of the colleges to which he has applied accept the “common application”. This is a wonderful cooperative effort that enables a student to complete one application with all the usual, but necessary information, including financial information, and do that ONE time instead of repeating it for each institution.  There is even an essay that goes with the Common App. If all institutions would accept just that, it would be much easier, however, that is not the case. While some colleges are willing to consider an applicant with one essay, most of them want more than that. So, the 11 colleges Ben is applying to require a total of 33 essays. Some could be reworked and used for similar questions, but even that takes a lot of time. He has spent HOURS and DAYS working on these essays.
 
The deadline of January 1 came, and he finally pressed “SEND” on the Common App. About 11 pm, he wondered if they had gone through. He checked, and realized to his horror that each essay had to be sent in separately. He leapt into action, and got the essays in before the midnight deadline. When he told me about it the next morning, my heart nearly stopped.
 
He has three more schools to apply to, and the deadline is in two days. One of them does not accept the Common App, so that one has to be done from scratch. Sigh. Then, we sit back and wait for the decisions, which are due on April 1.
 
One good thing about the essays: he has had a LOT of writing practice. Now that he is taking Senior English, he is writing a lot in that class. One assignment is to write in a journal each day. Ben described it as “writing about some random topic”. He has LOTS of random topics on his computer, thanks to the 33 essays! So, he’s probably good to go on the journal entries for a couple of months.

​On Monday, I sent the latest versions of the essays to a colleague at Johnson University, where I work. This time, I sent it to the Student Advisor who helps students get into graduate school. He quickly replied and said both essays were good, and Ben should do well wherever he ended up. That was really encouraging!
 
The applications and other information went in on November 1 as required. On November 3, Ben already had an interview with Duke University set up for November 10 here in Knoxville. I went to my colleague to find out how to prepare for that interview. He gave me a lot of good suggestions, but he also mentioned how we could best make use of our planned college visit. As I walked away from that meeting, I realized that God had set up that sequence of visit and interview at just the right time. My faith gets shaky, but then something like that happens, and I realize God is in control.
 
Having worked so hard to get the applications in, Ben went on a church retreat Nov 3-5. I picked him up on the 5th and we drove over to Raleigh. It’s a long way over there – about 6.5 hours.
 
On Monday, we headed to NC State for the 10:00 session and tour. It is a HUGE university, and they have very little interest in diversity. There are no known international scholarships, so while we enjoyed the presentation, we didn’t stay for the tour. We drove around the campus a bit, and found Ben was not great at map reading.
 
Our appointment for Duke was at 2:00. We arrived early and got a parking sticker, wandered about the campus a bit and enjoyed some of their great food. Duke is a much smaller university, but very “family-like”. The information session and tour were nicely done, and by the end, we were both amazed at the opportunities that were offered.
 
Over the past weeks, we have been getting in various bits of information: financial statements, transcripts, teacher recommendations. Ben’s Art teacher had no trouble putting her recommendation up on the link Ben sent her. But his English teacher couldn’t make it work, even after he sent it three times. So, in desperation, he sent her the admissions office email. I think that has gone in now.
 
Then there was the ACT debacle.  Ben took his ACT test on October 28, a Saturday. We’ve been waiting for his scores to come out, but as of November 16, they are not available. On November 14, Ben attended a Senior meeting at his school where the students were told the ACT had sent the wrong test books, and so could not verify the scores. Those tests would not even be graded. The only compensation was that the next test wouldn’t cost them anything. When scores are required for scholarships, and the due date is coming up immediately, that is not a lot of comfort.
 
Thankfully, Ben had taken the SAT last year as a 10th grader. The score wasn’t bad for his first effort, so I had him send that score to Duke. He also sent an email explaining about the ACT scores. I asked his counselor at Bearden to send a letter to Duke explaining the situation. On the 15th, she phoned me to say that Ben’s scores were not affected. The test that went wrong was a “free” one that Bearden provided for Seniors. Since Ben had taken his on Saturday, not a weekday, his test was valid. WHEW! I felt we had dodged another bullet!
 
Then, upon reflection, I realized that the standardized test scores HAVE to be in by Nov 17 or the application is canceled. If the ACT scores didn’t make it by then, we would be out of luck. But, having sent the SAT scores, it kept the application alive. So, while it was a heart-stopping experience, it has served to protect the application.  The good news is, the ACT scores came out on the 17th and went straight to Duke.
 
Now all that can be done has been done. We wait for the final decision on December 15. If the answer is “Yes”, we’re done! (Listen for shouts of praise and rejoicing.) If the answer is “No”, then we start over with a new set of colleges. There is no “Delay” decision for International students. Thankfully, applications for international students are later than for US students, so we will have until April for most of them.
 
God is not unaware of what we need, and makes sure we do it, even when we can’t understand what is happening at the time. We wait in hope.

I expected that this would be an exciting trip to North Carolina because I would get to visit Raleigh/Durham, and my dream university, Duke, and finally meet my friend who I had not seen since she came to the US in tenth grade. However, my exciting trip to NC came after an amazing camp to Doe River Gorge in Tennessee. After the camp, Leoma picked me up so we could go to visit colleges in NC.
We went to Doe River on Friday. Apart from the fact that it was a Friday and the fact that I would also get two days the following week away from school, I was particularly excited to get to go for that camp and just relax, and not think about school or homework. (It’s the best feeling ever!!)
Doe River was the perfect place to get to hang out with my new friends and just be myself. The environment was kind of cold but most of the time we were just running around so it was fine. I slept in a cabin with about eight other of my friends. We were put into small groups of about 10 random people and had fun group games. We carved pumpkins and made pumpkin snowmen. We played a game where you were supposed to use the carved pumpkins to fill an empty container with water by passing the pumpkin in a line. We also played this particularly fun game where we put the carved pumpkins on our heads and sprinted up a small hill and back down. After that, you passed the pumpkin to the next of your group members and they had to do the same.
After that, we had time to play other games that interested us. We had a football game, the boys vs the girls. It was different because they were on their feet and the boys played while kneeling. You may be surprised to know that the boys actually did win. The girls had on their military shirts on and black paint on their faces and looked ‘ready for battle’ but we still one in our sandals and shorts J.
We then went for a ride on the unimog. We went up the mountains and drove through the nearby creek and did all sorts of crazy stunts while screaming our lungs out from fright and being thrilled.
My friend Preston and I had a chance to ride on the zip line at Doe River. IT WAS AWESOME!!! The line ended in a small pool that was terribly cold. That made it difficult for me to get out after the ride. That and the fact that I cannot still swim (I’ll be taking classes next month I think).
After two days, the fun was over and we had to go back home. However, I did not go back with the rest because I was to visit colleges with Leoma in North Carolina.
We drove on for about four hours and got to Raleigh at night, checked in at a hotel, and slept without a word!
The next day, we visited North Carolina State University and then visited Duke. Duke was more exciting. It is a pretty campus and the buildings are also amazing. The community was very welcoming as well. I got encouraged by the number of opportunities at the University and can’t stop praying that I get in.
Later that day we met up with my friend, Jaye, from Kenya and her dad for dinner. We had a wonderful time but what I enjoyed most about that meeting was finally a chance to get to be myself and talk to somebody who fully understood me and my experiences. We also took lots of pictures at the restaurant.
Leoma and I slept at the hotel and prepared ourselves to leave for Knoxville on that Tuesday. I was more than glad to hear that that day was voting day which meant no school which meant more sleep ( I always equate days away from school to how many hours of sleep they are J)
It was definitely the best weekend ever!